Day drinking and Snacking in bed today. Staring everything bagel protein pretzles, string cheese, salami and cheese roll ups with apricot jam and fresh thyme, cherries, raspberries, black berries, a persimmon and lemon-thyme marinated olives in the busted up pie plate I use when camping.

Last year I grabbed my partner's phone to call mine when it was misplaced. I pulled up his recents and saw a text from a woman who's name I didn't recognize. "You are so amazing bae. A real light in the darkness 😘"

Who the fuck is this chick and why is she sending my partner of 9 years winky heart emojis?

Fuck it. I'm snooping.

And I did. For months they went back and forth chatting. Texting all day while he was at work. Nothing quite exactly inappropriate sexually. A bit of flirting. But as I scrolled back through their conversations I read so many hurtful things.

Him - GF got mad at me again over nothing. Wondering if you have any tea on how to deal with her.

Her - Sounds like she has emotional problems. Does she ever get violent with you or your stuff?

Him - Yeah. She got mad and threw my gaming laptop.

Her - Jesus dude. You deserve so much better than this! You need to get away from her bipolar ass!

What the? I never threw a laptop in my life. What is he going on about? OH OH OH he must mean the other day when I told him I had to write a couple blogs for work and he kept interrupting. I did get a little short and I slammed the laptop closed a little aggressively... but that was MY laptop! He gave it to me!

Her - Hey man! We're having a BBQ this weekend you should come.

Him - I'd love to, but you know my old lady don't let me leave the house.

Huh? I don’t let him leave the house? Since when? I literally just encouraged him to start a new DnD group after a new boardgame shop opened up kinda central to his friend group.

Him - hey girl. You seemed a bit down today. Thought you could use some cheering up so I left you some candy and flowers on your desk. Feel better

Her - omg you are so sweet. Such an amazing guy.

Oh. Great. Had to give him gas money but he can afford flowers and candy for someone else?

Him - GF just doesn't understand me. She makes fun of my struggles with my disabilty.

Her - oh man. That's rough and not fair to you. You can do better. What disabilty?

Him - my ADHD.

WHHHOOOOOAAAAAA Hold the fuck up here. You mean the ADHD I have been BEGGING you to go get tested for and see if medication was an option for you? The ADHD you SWORE up and down you didn't have. The ADHD that I have spent countless hours researching, reading and trying to understand because it fits you and every fucking problem we ever had in our relationship to a T!?!? The time I was sobbing on the floor literally BEGGING you to read the book "Is it You Me or Adult ADD?"... I dont understand the struggles you have with it? I am living in the middle of the fucking struggle and drowning in it.

Scrolling further back. Becoming more and more undone to the beginning of their conversation...

They bonded over pride pins. She's a lesbian. And he's demi-ace. Rural small town life sucks for them and they both want to move to the city.

Oh. That's new information. He never told me he identifies as LGBTQ. Demi-ace huh? The Ace part is explaining a lot I guess. We suffered with intimacy and a deadbedroom for years. For years I tried to talk to him about flirting with me more or sending me a racy text while at work. (Sorry. I dont really like to text at work. Except ofc for my lesbian bbf who I send dozens of texts to a day to organize our lunch date). Begged him to get his testosterone checked. Asked him to initiate more. Lived with the pain and insecurity of being undesirable to the man I love for years.

Would have been nice to know he wasn't allosexual during all that.

I didnt stop the snoop at that conversation. I went digging. I dug hard.

Dozens of female friends he never mentioned. I mean I fucking know what his MALE friend's opinion on the latest mountain dew flavors are... but he was having whole ass conversations and being Mr. Therapist for a bunch of chicks I never even heard their name mentioned. Some were clearly ling term friendships from before we met. Some were more recent.

He was so sweet, and caring and eloquent with them.

He complained about me a lot. About a lot of stuff that I never did or said. Shared a lot of really personal things about me. Best sense I can make out of it is he would get upset with me and emotionally dysregulated then go and "vent" to them. Making things up about me to garner more sympathy. Maybe the untreated ADHD was in play here a bit. Gets dysregualted. Remembers the feelingm brain fills in the blanks... either way I'm the villian in his story.

I confronted him. We broke up. He dragged his feet about moving out. The anger diminished. We got back together. He's been trying...

It's been mostly Ok... but I started a new hormonal BC and I have been really emotionally spiraling and ruminating over the whole thing. I'm not over it. I'll never be over it. I had my first ever panic attack because we were out at the store together and he ran into a friend of his I didn't know. I was so embarrassed that this person probably thought I was an absolute abusive monster and spiraled...

Good news? That grounding exercise where you name things you cna see, hear, feel, smell? It works.

Boyfriend has been hinting that he is -finally- ready to propose now that we are coming up on our 10 year ani. (The 10 year wait is a whole 'nother post)

I don't think want to marry him.

I need another drink.

I am not religious but I do believe I am divinely protected by my ancestors. I am so thankful these events happened in the order they occurred. Yesterday, he showed me the exact type of man he is and shattered any infatuation I had for him. He and all of his things were gone by 3 pm back to his mother’s house. What’s interesting is he attempted to insist he come back for the remainder of his items later this week but something in me was telling me that all of his shit needed to go.

I was also supposed to get my period yesterday. Since I didn’t get it and I’m like a hawk about this stuff, I took 3 different pregnancy tests today and all were positive. Abortion was scheduled within the hour.

If he was still here, if that fight hadn’t occurred, he probably would’ve tried his hardest to convince me to keep it with the power of true love and since he wanted me to be the mother of his eventual kids. I know I would’ve terminated regardless, but I’m just glad I can do it in peace and quiet in my apartment I pay all the bills for without an abusive, crappy man around begging me not to “kill his baby”.

Everything happens for a reason, ladies.

Last Night’s Dinner: Homemade Fettuccine Alfredo (with a side of silent treatment)

I (20F) moved in with my boyfriend (20M) in early May after he suggested it. I was already basically living here anyway, driving home at 1-3am, and then my car broke down so it just made sense. Things have been really good overall, I cook breakfast and dinner every day, handle all his laundry, keep his room clean, and take care of his cats. We laugh a lot, barely argue, and he buys me food/takes me places while I cover groceries.

Yesterday was rough though. I had to cover a shift on a Sunday, so he woke up early to drop me off at 9. I told him I’d be done by 1 when we close. At 12:57 a client came in and we didn’t finish until almost 1:45. My phone was blowing up the whole time with texts from him about how he’s waiting, his mom needs the car, he’s “tired of always having to wait,” etc.
I apologized as soon as I got in the car, but he was still pissed the whole silent ride home. He went to shower while I started making homemade fettuccine Alfredo (extra portion for him, of course).

After his shower he blew up again because I hadn’t plated his food yet and apparently hadn’t “apologized enough.” We sort of resolved it, then he said he needed to run to the shop for an hour or two max. I asked him to please keep me updated because he has a habit of disappearing for way longer. He agreed.

An hour later I checked in… no reply. Another hour, still nothing. I texted asking why he always ghosts me at the shop and he hit me with “bruh you’re tripping over nothing, it’s not that deep.” Said he’d leave soon. Another hour passed so I checked again and suddenly he was apologizing profusely… but still didn’t get home for yet another hour.

We ended up going to get food after that (the Alfredo was cold by then) and things seemed okay for a bit. We were watching Sopranos and when I tried to cuddle he snapped “why do you always have to be so on top of me?” Which has literally never been an issue before and was so shocking because he always complains when I’m distant.

The whole night he was distant, so I finally sat him down and asked what was wrong. He unloaded that everything he does for me is “draining and exhausting.” After prying, he said he doesn’t want to pick me up from work anymore, doesn’t want to buy me food, wants me to chip in more for my daily stuff (I pretty much only use my own things except paper towels when cooking for him), and wants me to “lay off” and let him go ghost whenever he goes out.
Then he told me to sleep on the couch. I texted him an hour later that I was freezing with no blanket and he told me to “just thug it out.”

Woke up this morning and he left for work without saying a single word to me.

The fettuccine was actually really good though… creamy, lots of garlic and fresh parm. Too bad it got eaten in silence.

Help 🫠

EDIT: I’m reading all of your comments and all of what you guys are saying is just things I know but I’ve been forcing myself to ignore. Thank you to those of you who were serious about it and gave me genuine advice, that truly means the world to me. Lots of you think this is fake, it’s not and I wish it was for my own sake. I’m heartbroken because I love him but after talking with my mom about it, she agreed with me and is helping me move back home today. Currently writing this with tears rolling down my face but it’s ok, time will pass. I just don’t know how to get used to being alone again.

My husband and I really don’t mind walking in on eachother using the restroom (we always leave the doors unlocked if it’s just us in the house)

Well the other night I walked in on him watching a video in the restroom, I saw a pretty woman on the screen and in that moment I thought it was odd since he mainly just watches tech reviews and gaming stuff. I didn’t freak out, I was just like “huh that’s weird”.

Anyways, I realize he’s watching a L&D nurse on YouTube explaining newborn care and how to help the mom through labor 😂🥲 he was like “we’re in endgame now, I need to be ready” 🫠

I thought it was funny, sometimes I get nervous with posts I see online (not just here) of women (especially pregnant women) catching their partners doing things that hurt them. He is so excited to be a dad next month, as am I excited to be a mom. I just feel like I got really lucky with my husband, I’m very grateful for my marriage 🌸

Breakfast! (Not dinner) - Smoked salmon, poached eggs, cream cheese, capers, dill, and pickled red onion on top of a bagel with a side of greens and a latte.

So, I am 40 and have always been "different" from my family and how I was raised. Luckily all my family who matters finally accepts me and loves me for who I am - even if they don't "get" it.

However, I still struggle to fit in with them and with society - and it's starting to become draining for me.

What makes me "different" or non-traditional:

Firstly, I have never wanted kids and decided to live a child free lifestyle. My mom struggled with this when I was younger. She now has accepted it and understands its just not for me, but it was a STRUGGLE for us to get to this peaceful and understanding state. Many others in society seem to think I must be a cold or "traumatized" person because its apparently unfathomable that a woman could be "normal" and not want children.

Next, I don't care about dating or partnering up and have been single for quite some time. I will randomly develop a fling (mostly for sexual reasons) but I absolutely see no reason to "settle" or accept less than I deserve just for the sake of "being with" someone.

Also, dating is hard, in general, due to my non-traditional living situation. I own a house with my best friend (who is a straight male). Apparently this makes a LOT of people uncomfortable (even in friendships) and they continue to assume he and I have some sort of under the rug, secret intimate relationship. He is just someone I love deeply, but like a brother and not at all sexual, and vice versa.

We became roommates out of convenience during COVID (both in healthcare and were working extra shifts. Both have pets and needed help with them, so we worked opposite days, thay way the pets weren't alone for 14 plus hours 4 days a week). We bonded HEAVILY during that time because honestly, it was a LOT to go through physically and mentally.

At this point, my family sees our bond and has essentially "adopted" him because he doesn't have family of his own. We literally just do not see each other in a sexual way, but apparently thats so hard for others to grasp. It's frustrating to constantly have people question us and our "relationship." (Co-workers, potential partners, potential new friends, etc).

In addition to all this I am pansexual and atheist- which is a whole other thing. I feel misunderstood even by the LGBTQIA+ community and slightly outcast. Idk how to explain it all, but sometimes its just really hard to always feel different.

I have a lot of friends, but none where I live (aside from my roommate) and I'm just frustrated and wish people could be less judgemental and more open to ways outside of their own. (end rant).

Please give me all the reasons why I should turn in the divorce papers. I’m having such a hard time turning them in.

Married over a decade. Both Mid 30s. We have 1 child so this is my second about to be born in July. I always wanted 1 more but he didn’t so I figured we were done a few years ago. Our relationship however became very rocky about a year ago when he said he wasn’t in love with me anymore. I knew there was trouble in paradise before he said that and I communicated my worries to him prior to his confession. “You are working so late. Why are you going out so much. I don’t like that one female coworker.” Every time I brought up something, I was made to feel insecure and I shouldn’t worry because “nothing was happening”. But alas something was happening. Also, a drug and alcohol was brewing so that just exasperated the situation. While I’m working full-time and handling everything at home.

I was so shattered after he told me he wanted to separate. I was so desperate and begged so hard. I literally poured everything to our family and being a good wife. Everyone around him would always tell me how much of a saint I was because of how he never had anything negative to say about me yet I dealt with his “charming” personality. I was an amazing mom and partner they would say he said about me.

We separated and he moved out for a while but still kept in contact because after a few months we were trying to reconcile long distance. Long phone calls and im sorry and i love yous. However, come to find out later on other things were happening while he was away.

He eventually moves back to the family home like 8 months later. If you made it this far, I know you’re thinking, how could I let him back right? Well I loved and cared for him the whole time. And I wanted nothing more than my family to be back together.

Well, nothing changed when he got back. Honestly kinda got worse. I thought things would be different since he expressed remorse but actions showed otherwise. Since moving back we have been living in separate rooms but lived like roommates with benefits? I don’t feel comfortable doing random hookups and I truly believe he wasn’t seeing anyone.. until recently.

End of last year, I told him if he doesn’t want to make things work then it’s time to move out. Shortly after that I started making a plan. I didn’t want a divorce but I felt like I have no choice but to do it. However a month goes by and thought my period should have happened by now. We weren’t having sex that often but I remember the day it happened was so quick and honestly didn’t think there was a chance. But there still was a 1% chance I could get pregnant and I sure as fuck did. I balled my eyes out. I so badly wanted one more baby but not like this.

I tell him and he’s not happy since he started making arrangements to move out. But everything went on pause since finding out. Until he got another job and a new coworker came along most recently. This time the coworker (mid 20s) was worse than the first time. She knew he was still technically married and that i was pregnant. She still pursued him and he ran with it. After I thought I made it clear to please hold off on doing anything like that until after officially divorced.

Now this time it really hurts because I’m so pregnant and just couldn’t imagine hurting someone I supposedly have love for like that. I heard he was asked about if he is still seeing her he said “ yea we still hangout sometimes”. I honestly kinda laughed in my head like wtf kind of response is that. yet he cannot admit she’s his girlfriend. Like why can’t you just admit it?

He doesn’t come around to see our child or check on me or the pregnancy. I’ve been so alone. I have family and friends around me that are supportive but doesn’t take the lonely feeling away at night. Since I already went though this one time before with him, I have better coping skills but doesn’t make the hurt go away while he’s living a single man’s life and comforting another girl instead of making sure me and the kids are ok. How am I going to get through this labor and beyond.

I have no desire in being in another relationship soon. Maybe a few years down the road. But I worry that no one will love a single mom of 2. This so hard. I’ll take any constructive advice. I usually am very logical but my heart is so broken it’s been hard to think straight while also being pregnant.

Real sad girl McDonalds dinner.

For 18 months I hid the fact that I liked cooking. I'd order takeout with him every night pretending I didn't care, while secretly watching meal prep videos at midnight like contraband.

He made me feel like wanting a home-cooked meal was embarrassing. Like being budget-conscious was a personality flaw.

We broke up on a Tuesday. That Saturday I bought groceries for the first time in over a year.

I put on my playlist. I cooked alone. I cried a little — not because I missed him, but because I realized how much of myself I had quietly folded away to fit into his life.

Cilantro rice, grilled chicken, black beans, charred corn, pico de gallo, avocado, sour cream.

$4. 40g protein. 30 minutes.

I'm not "too domestic." I'm just finally home. 🥑🥹

I thought we were making meaningful progress, getting to know each other, we had sex yesterday, in the morning, I saw his ring besides our bed. I feel terrible.

pictured: salmon & lemon, with rosemary fries.

i’m honestly embarrassed to even admit this but i need to get it off my chest.

i’m 21f and i’m incredibly attracted to a guy who’s 41m. we’re in the same workplace and we bond over a lot.

i often find myself fantasizing about him and what we could do after hours. dreams and stuff too. he is literally my dream partner. it’s starting to interfere.

i don’t know what to do. if i should let it pass or if i should tell him. i’m just so scared it would be awkward if i tell him, but it would also be awkward if i don’t. it’s such an intense feeling; whenever he’s around.

to show how bad this is; i literally felt such crazy feelings overcome me when he did something as simple as touch my arm to move me out of the way.

i know this all sounds so corny and cringe but i need some genuine input.

and it was awesome. I did a solo trip of Olympic National Park recently, and met a hot guy who happened to be working out there. we hit it off. conversation was great, and he was an amazing kisser. the next thing I know, i’m getting folded in half. it was so much fun! never in a million years did I think something like this would happen to me. I’ll always remember that when I think about the park lol. I know he’s on reddit, so if you see this, thanks M ;)

camp dinner while I was out there!

Yes this atrocity was my dinner. Leave me alone I like peas.

The title is not sarcastic, "poor me", grab your attention thing. I actually strongly believe I am not a good wife at all. It hurts to know this and realize it. But I don't know where to go from here...

My husband (M33) and I (f26) got into an argument about how I am "absent". I explained that my work is extremely dysregulating and stressful, and I don't talk about it at home much because I try to compartmentalize it. But when I come home I'm exhausted, and all I have the energy for is to stare at the ceiling or lay in bed.

(Ps. I work in education where my job is to support HS students. So I deal with sobbing, disclosures, abuse allegations, attempts, self harm, etc. etc. on a daily basis. And at a rate that is astounding).

My husband said I need to make a choice that it's him or my job because I choose my job over him. I hissed back at this because I would gladly stay home and not work (he makes $175K/yr) because I am not picking my job over him. My job is just terribly demanding and overwhelming and stressful.

He then explained that I may not actively choose my job over him, but it's causing me to quite frankly be a horrible wife (my words not his). I struggle to interact with him because I have no words left after work, I need the weekends to recoup, I want to just exist, I'm defensive, annoyed, and quite frankly unpleasant a lot, generally kind of failing at everything rn...

I go to therapy, I eat healthy, I work on my stress levels the best I can... Idk how to fix this... Idk how to make the nature of my job different... I also won't find another job that pays me as well anytime soon (44/hr, with just a bachelor's degree). I don't know how to not be defensive and snappy ... I don't know where to start or what to do ...

It feels like my nature as a person is the problem and idk how to exist any differently... But the truth is I'm a pretty lousy wife...

I'm at the end of my rope.
My husband has been out of work for 7 months. My 27 year old daughter is terribly ill (cyclical vomiting that we can't find cause of or cure for)+ mental health stuff. She can't work and has been living with us for a year. My 87 year old blind father is failing and has heart issues. I have trigeminal neuralgia and hurt every day.
Have to be upbeat for all them.
I'm the only one working.
I can't afford therapy.
I can't afford ANYTHING.
I just came into work to escape my kid trauma dumping on me and the fire alarm is going off.
There's no escape. I'm helpless. But I can't let any of them down.
Everyone is like "be sure to take care of yourself too" but how? With no money? No quiet space? I can't leave- kid is in ER once every couple of weeks.
(Sad iced tea and protein bar outside work building)

We have been together 20 years. We have had our ups and downs but always have been super attracted to one another, active sex life.

He has been through a spiritual journey recently (past 4 months) and he has pushed away from me. No sex, sleeping on the way other side of our bed. I’ve been lonely so I talked to him about it.

He told me that he wants to be friends and no longer interested in sex. He clarified he doesn’t want a divorce though because we need to be a family and sex is not necessary to be a family.

My sad girl dinner is dessert because I’m an adult and I can do what I want.

Taco Monday. I am very physically sensitive during sex, and I often orgasm within minutes and it lasts the entire session. While this is a win, I can’t seem to explain that to a friend I sleep with? He will conclude that I’m faking my orgasms so they feel better about themselves. When I don’t orgasm as much they feel bad about themselves. I’m not sure how to go about this situation. I’ve tried explaining that my body is too sensitive but they’ve expressed they don’t believe me. I can’t help but think maybe I should see a doctor as well?

We’ve been together for 3 years. Went through his phone because something felt off. Saw my BEST FRIENDS name, opened the messages and found out he was cheating on me with her. Then I had to sit there and process the fact that I got cheated on by a man whose phone password was 1234. Having a boyfriend is a humiliation ritual.

cacio e pepe.

EDIT: Since everyone’s asking, yes I bought him a car. Yes, he cheated on me. Yes, it was with my friend of 15 years . And yes, I’m getting my Mustang back tomorrow. Thank you for all the support and for making me laugh about a situation that would otherwise have me staring at a wall.

I (41F) started dating a guy (54M, let's call him Frank) in October. I told Frank from the beginning that I'm not dating just to date, I'm looking for a LTR. Frank said he was looking for the same and things were good for a bit.

We'd get together most of the week, started to get to know each other on a deeper level, talked about eventually meeting each other's family, and he even invited my BFF over for new years eve and cooked us an amazing dinner. But then he started distancing himself. He'd pick arguments about really stupid things, go MIA for days, cancel dates, etc. We were never official so I took the hint and ended things in March.

Right after I broke up with Frank, an old friend texted me (39M, let's call him Kevin). Kevin is from my hometown. He was a friend of a friend. He threw house parties most weekends, but was safe enough that me and my girlies knew he'd make sure we were alright. He was cute but I was finishing up college+grad school, so wasn't checking for the party guy. I graduated and moved away. This was like 15 years ago. After I left we'd text like once a year just to say hi, but didn't really connect all like that.

Fast forward to April. Kevin texted letting me know his job was transferring him to my city and asked to meet up. I figured he'd still be the party guy, just older and gross. I'm not into that life anymore, so I planned to meet up for dinner, tell him about places to go/things to do here, and go back to texting once a year. And then I saw him. Talk about a glow up. He matured, got clean, and it was an immediate attraction. We hung out a few times after that, flirted a bit, but kept things friendly.

Two weeks ago Frank called asking to talk. We met up. He acknowledged he was pushing me away, told me why (past relationship baggage), apologized, and asked if we can start over. I agreed to see him again, but to take things slowly. So far he's trying. We've gone on a few dates and have been texting everyday.

I hooked up with Kevin on Friday. We had a few drinks, came back to my place, and one thing led to another. It was amazing! I'm glad it happened but I also don't know what's going to happen between us. We still have mutual friends so I hope things don't get weird lol. I also have no idea what I want with Frank.

Dinner: crispy gochujang tofu + cucumber

Dinner : TOFU

I (30F) recently separated from my husband (30M), and I'm really struggling to figure out if I should try to save this marriage or accept that it's a lost cause.
I'm also stuck questioning myself-was I too controlling or negative, or was I asking for normal boundaries and just not getting them?
We did love each other. We even eloped and got married (very low-key), (we eloped and he had originally planned to do a public proposal too, but because of issues with his friend group, he kept delaying it and it never happened. That's part of what confuses me-| know the love was real, but the outcome doesn't match that.
A lot of our problems revolved around his friend group and especially one of his closest friends (I'II call him
"Mark"), who is very much the "life of the party," super social, and seems to influence a lot of people. My husband really values his opinion and often defers to him.
Some examples:
- When we first started dating, he was still in contact with his ex (they had a sexual history and were still texting in ways I wasn't comfortable with). I told him if we were going to be seriously , I wasn't okay with that.
He agreed-but I later found out he was still texting her behind my back for almost a year. When she a why he removed her, he told her I made him do it.

There were multiple situations where other girls crossed boundaries. One girl ("Lily") tried to sit on his lap in front of me. I told him it made me uncomfortable. He agreed privately but never addressed it with her and continued acting normal around her. Similar things happened with other women being overly touchy or even grabbing his phone.
His friends made microaggressive comments toward me (I'm Indian), like jokes about whether Indian people smell. I told him it hurt me, but he never confronted them.
There was also a situation with a girl in the group (I'II call her "Nina"). I later found out he had a past situationship with her, which he never told me. I had confided in her about feeling uncomfortable with "Lily" trying to sit on his lap. Later, on election night, she posted something along the lines of "all my friends support Trump except [me]," which felt targeted. I called her out privately, and in retaliation, she shared my private messages from a year ago with "Lily," which escalated things and turned people in the group against me.

- The breakup itself was also confusing. The first time he brought up breaking up was in October. We tried to work on things. Then again in January, he brought it up. At that point, I even encouraged him to talk to Mark and sort things out. After he spoke to Mark, he told me everything was fine, and I said I was open to also talking to Mark to clear the air. But he never let me do that-and shortly after, he ended things anyway.
Now we've separated, and he's gone back to that same friend group. He removed me from everywhere , he hasn’t filed for the papers yet but yeah I’m living seperately.

There was also a period where I was unemployed and really struggling the tech market was brutal and I was genuinely depressed. Instead of support, he would tell me I was “just coasting.” He was making $120k and I was making nothing, and we were still splitting everything 50/50. My parents were sending me money from India just so I could keep up. And on top of that, he refused to tell anyone we were married. He actually said he’d announce it once I got a job like my worth as his wife was tied to my employment status. Looking back, I think he had already mentally checked out because of the friend group fallout, and I was just… convenient to keep quiet. But the cruelest part? He ended things two days after Valentine’s Day, right before my birthday. When I was at my lowest.

And since leaving? I found a job. I have my own place. I’m paying less in rent than I was contributing when I was with him. Funny how that works.

Also worth mentioning when we were long distance, I flew to see him every single week. Paid for every flight myself. He never once covered

So here's where I'm stuck:
AITA for still wanting to try to fix this through therapy, given that we're married?
Or is this a situation where the patterns are too ingrained and I should just let him go?
I genuinely don't know if this is something that can be worked through, or if I'm holding onto something that isn't viable anymore.
Would really appreciate honest advice.

Edit: I know this his is long gone and somedays I’m relieved that he left me but someday I just wake up arguing in my head with him and his shitty friends about how they did me dirty. I was a very good wife, I’m smart, I was loyal, I cooked and cleaned and did everything and it just feels like I m a loser who wasn’t worth publicly accepting.

EDIT 2: Holy shit, I never realised this is the level of response I would get here. Thank you for every single kind word that was thrown my way here. I am in therapy myself and I don’t have a family in this country so just words from a few strangers helped here a lot(more than I can say). I know there’s better out there for me and at the end of the day I’ll realise why this happened for the better.

Edit 3: he is a liberal (bites for Kamala, Biden , I asked him on the first date all the questions like take on abortion and same sex marriage and all his views were liberal ) his friends were mix of trump and liberal ans I would always be vocal ans not engage with any of the trumpers , but with time passing he became more annoyed by how vocal I was with my liberal views and he felt like I was just looking at ‘negative’ in people even tho those negative things are literally racism lol so we would argue on that a lot

Hi guys!

Exactly what the title says

I also want to say this is my favorite subreddit of all time.

Dinner: Mezeh Mediterranean Grill

To all my desi, south East Asian, Latina and Arab girls, I feel you, because, even at 28, I’m living a double life right now.

My dinner is a kebab plate that I’m currently being served at a party that I didn’t want to go to but I was forced because “what would family say if you were the only one who didn’t attend”.

Last week, I posted here after I brought our son to the ER because we couldn’t afford his g-tube formula. The social worker spent an entire hour belittling me, threatening me with a CPS/DCFS report, and talking over me any time that I tried to explain our situation or explain anything about our son’s health. My post about that is here:

Two days later, they did show up. Luckily, a lot of people commented with really great advice, and I was pretty well prepared. I had all of our sons medical records organized in a folder, our recent receipts for his formula to show how much it’s been costing us, and everything we have applied for to hopefully make that easier soon (Medicaid for our son, WIC, etc).

It was mostly straightforward, she looked around the apartment a bit, talked to both of the kids and myself, and said they would need more information from some of his doctors about his medical conditions that have caused his failure to thrive. She agreed that once he is approved for Medicaid things will be a lot easier overall.

So as of right now, our case is still open. The whole situation has given me a ton of anxiety, especially when he has any kind of appointment. It has left me feeling like I can’t quite trust any of them.

I’m also just feeling kind of overwhelmed and ashamed in general, that this happened because I brought him in. I wouldn’t have ever thought that it would go this way. I know that the case will likely be closed as soon as they confirm that we are not causing his failure to thrive, but the fact that it is even being questioned feels terrible.

I’m also struggling with the fact that it seems the only thing I am ever able to think about is stressing about money. I can’t put into words how exhausting it is, and I feel like I’m never truly present because of that. I feel like I can never focus on anything else, because I am always thinking about how we are going to make things work.

Thankfully, we were able to get some formula, and I am beyond grateful to those who helped make that possible. It took a massive weight off of us.

My stress right now is more so because of our son’s surgery this week. We have to drive 2.5 hours to the hospital for his second pre-op appointment tomorrow, then either stay in a hotel for the night or drive back home and drive 2.5 hours to the hospital again on Tuesday morning for his surgery. He is having his tonsils and adenoids removed as well as a fundoplication, which we’ve been waiting over 3 months for because it should greatly help him tolerate eating more foods by mouth, because it should reduce his difficulty swallowing and hopefully eliminate his severe reflux and chronic vomiting.

Despite how long we’ve been waiting for this, I’m considering calling tomorrow morning to cancel because I legitimately do not know how we can make this work right now. We don’t have enough gas in the car to get there and back, cannot get a hotel for a night or two like we hoped we would be able to, and all of it feels too overwhelming. On top of the anxiety due to the fact that my one year old is going under anesthesia for likely 3-4 hours, and knowing how much pain he’s going to be in afterward. I can’t even fully explain to him what’s going to happen because he is too young to fully grasp something like this. He already has some medical trauma and anxiety.

I’m just not sure. It’s something that could and likely will greatly improve his quality of life, and I know that, but all I want to do right now is reschedule. My fear with that is that it will be another few months before they can get him in, and is it really worth another few months of him struggling to this extent? Of course the answer is no - I want him to finally feel this relief, but there are too many unknowns. I also keep thinking about the fact that we have an active CPS case, which feels wrong to even type out.

I’m just rambling at this point. Can someone please reassure me that by some miracle, all of this is going to work out? I just need to hear that things are going to be okay, because my brain is giving me a constant stream of reasons why they won’t be.

(Photo - my husband worked a double and brought donuts home from work yesterday, which was nice)

I had vaginismus for a LONG time, penetration was extremely painful for me in my first relationship. Luckily, the guy I dated at the time didn’t have a high libido and he was pretty content with foreplay etc.

When I left this relationship I was 24 and still hadn’t experienced penetration, I was essentially a virgin in that sense. I worked on myself a lot mentally, did therapy consistently, got super into sports and started feeling really connected to my body.

I dated another guy at 25, and I didn’t disclose to him that I had vaginismus. When I was underneath him, he couldn’t enter me and wasted two condoms. He remarked that I was tense. He fingered me but it didn’t feel great so I did it myself and started relaxing.

He then tried to enter me without a condom. Didn’t ask. I just saw him rubbing his dick on me, and then he started poking. I said “you need to put a condom on.” He said “I’ll just stretch you out, and then put one on okay?” I was silent. He was able to enter me and I was surprised. I told him to go slowly and he did but he’d get carried away and go at his preferred pace after a like minute. He told me he’d put one on but he didn’t.

I started getting anxious about the fact that we were having unprotected sex, I hadn’t even seen an STD test from this man. I told him to stop because “you’re not even wearing a condom.” He said “yeah you’re right okay let’s stop.”

We continued to have sex over the span of a few months before we broke up, and almost every time, he’d try to enter me without a condom. One time I snapped at him “can you wear a fucking condom?!” he just smiled, stared at the drawer where it was kept and fingered me instead, and basically stopped sex/lied down. I felt so rejected. I initiated and when he got in the mood he entered me without one, even though literally three minutes ago I was asking for one.

I also bought lube, and it was always in his drawer. One time he initiated sex in the morning, he touched me for like 5 minutes, fingered me for a minute, and then turned me over and entered me with his spit as lube and no condom as usual.

He was weird with orgasms, didn’t really want to orgasm/would stop whenever he got close, (even for BJs) and that weirdness extended to me, he half-heartedly tried to make me orgasm but generally it seemed he couldn’t give less of a fuck if I came or not.

I fawned, I stayed quiet, I didn’t assert my needs so I know this is also my fault. He was soft with me sometimes (lots of cuddling, forehead kisses, overall tenderness) so I think I kept brushing it under the rug and thinking “oh well I guess this is what sex is like.” I pleasured him a lot, I was always giving him blowjobs while he gave me like max 5 mins of oral/some kissing and hickeys on my body.

But now I sit here a few months later thinking about all of this and I feel heartbroken I let it happen this way, I know I need to get an STD test but I’m so scared and I feel pathetic as fuck. I got a UTI the first month that I had sex with him, and then a yeast infection afterwards (I usually never get infections) and now I’m still having discomfort with my body and have gone to the doctor like thrice for blood and urine tests etc.

All because I let someone override my boundaries.

I'm a hairstylist in Tampa, and I am visibly queer. Today my first client of the day was a walk in who waited an hour for there to be an opening, which happened to be me. When I called her name, she acted surprised and said "Actually I think I'm just going to cancel, I am going to come back another time to see someone else, just cancel the appointment."

Good news is that my salon (per corporate) and my management are very accepting, and one of my managers will be calling her tomorrow to attempt to get her to fess up to being phobic so we can properly ban her from the salon and possibly all other locations.

Publix cookies in the break room ✨

Salmon, sweet potato, and tomatoes with oil, vinegar, and feta.

I've been married five years this month. Together for six. The first years were life goals kind of marriage. We had our bumps, but we always worked through things and it was okay.

Last year my husband had cancer. Did surgery and chemo, but came through with much worse mental health issues. I tried to make it work, but he has intermittent explosive disorder and PTSD and ADHD. I realized that we were going into abuse territory with his rage and the ADHD was making it impossible to keep our 3 year old safe.

I asked him to move out and work on his mental and physical health. Not separate, just live apart to give him a child free semester to heal.

Things haven't improved. Marriage counseling homework has been ignored. He blew up this week and gave me the silent treatment then whiplash back to his usual self after a few hours.

I was done that night. I made plans to divorce. But, I decided to create a 24 month separation agreement with concrete goals and deadlines. In my state, it is legally binding, it gives us a date for a financial split. It gives him actionable items to work on. We edited it together and he was going to print it so we could sign it - printer doesn't work with my computer.

He forgot. That just feels like a death knell. One more thing procrastinated on and not taken care of.

I love this man. I like him. He's funny and kind and sweet and generous. He has issues post chemo that I have to protect myself and my child from, but this is so much harder than my first separation and divorce. He's a fundamentally good man that has PTSD from combat and a lifetime of struggles with mental health. I feel horrible in many ways but I also feel very proud of myself as a mom that I'm doing something so hard and painful to protect my child.

I have therapy in a few hours. I'll be okay. But I'm still sad.

EDIT: to the lovely people talking about in sickness and in health. I've stood by this man through cancer, chemo, diabetes. I've advocate. I've tried everything I know to do.

But when you start having blackout rages, calling our child names, and breaking things - that's a safety issue for the child. My responsibility as a mom comes first there.

I'm giving him two years to work through stuff. This is after six months of him living apart and having zero parental responsibilities. I've tried.

My mother spent my entire childhood with unmedicated mental illness and terrible mommy issues. She knew she was mentally ill and refused medical help. She used me as an unpaid therapist for as long as I can remember. Became emotionally numb to her antics as a teenager and stopped caring.

She decided to get professional help within a few months of me moving to college. Would have been nice if she did that like 15 years prior.

Since then while she's not an emotional basket case like she was, she has been begging for my love and attention for over 10 years now. She apologizes and I tell her I forgive her but I can't just choose to be as close to her as she wants. She wants to be best friends. I can't just decide that. I told her just keep doing what she's doing and we will heal.

Every few years she'd have a meltdown that we're not talking every day, that I don't confide in her, that I don't love her like she loved her mom. It would break whatever progress we had made and we'd start all over.

She has kind of sort of taken on a parental role in some girl at her church starting a few years ago. She homeschools her and she stays with them most of the week. Not really sure what to call it. My mom stopped calling about 2 years ago. She hasn't begged for my attention. She hasn't broken down asking why I don't love her the way she wants.

My husband I think expects that I'm jealous in some way. I'm not. I'm relieved. I feel relieved of the emotional burden she's put on me for the last 30 years. I feel like a weight is taken off my shoulders. I can call once every few weeks and no pity party on why I didn't call sooner. She never begs for my attention or makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I'm glad someone can enjoy my mother as a mentally sound parental figure. I hope they stay as close as they are now.

I'm relieved and happy for her. I'm happy for me.

Salmon lox with kona coffee