Boyfriend suddenly wants nothing to do with me after moving in a month ago

[u/ruubystaar]

Last Night’s Dinner: Homemade Fettuccine Alfredo (with a side of silent treatment)

I (20F) moved in with my boyfriend (20M) in early May after he suggested it. I was already basically living here anyway, driving home at 1-3am, and then my car broke down so it just made sense. Things have been really good overall, I cook breakfast and dinner every day, handle all his laundry, keep his room clean, and take care of his cats. We laugh a lot, barely argue, and he buys me food/takes me places while I cover groceries.

Yesterday was rough though. I had to cover a shift on a Sunday, so he woke up early to drop me off at 9. I told him I’d be done by 1 when we close. At 12:57 a client came in and we didn’t finish until almost 1:45. My phone was blowing up the whole time with texts from him about how he’s waiting, his mom needs the car, he’s “tired of always having to wait,” etc.
I apologized as soon as I got in the car, but he was still pissed the whole silent ride home. He went to shower while I started making homemade fettuccine Alfredo (extra portion for him, of course).

After his shower he blew up again because I hadn’t plated his food yet and apparently hadn’t “apologized enough.” We sort of resolved it, then he said he needed to run to the shop for an hour or two max. I asked him to please keep me updated because he has a habit of disappearing for way longer. He agreed.

An hour later I checked in… no reply. Another hour, still nothing. I texted asking why he always ghosts me at the shop and he hit me with “bruh you’re tripping over nothing, it’s not that deep.” Said he’d leave soon. Another hour passed so I checked again and suddenly he was apologizing profusely… but still didn’t get home for yet another hour.

We ended up going to get food after that (the Alfredo was cold by then) and things seemed okay for a bit. We were watching Sopranos and when I tried to cuddle he snapped “why do you always have to be so on top of me?” Which has literally never been an issue before and was so shocking because he always complains when I’m distant.

The whole night he was distant, so I finally sat him down and asked what was wrong. He unloaded that everything he does for me is “draining and exhausting.” After prying, he said he doesn’t want to pick me up from work anymore, doesn’t want to buy me food, wants me to chip in more for my daily stuff (I pretty much only use my own things except paper towels when cooking for him), and wants me to “lay off” and let him go ghost whenever he goes out.
Then he told me to sleep on the couch. I texted him an hour later that I was freezing with no blanket and he told me to “just thug it out.”

Woke up this morning and he left for work without saying a single word to me.

The fettuccine was actually really good though… creamy, lots of garlic and fresh parm. Too bad it got eaten in silence.

Help 🫠

EDIT: I’m reading all of your comments and all of what you guys are saying is just things I know but I’ve been forcing myself to ignore. Thank you to those of you who were serious about it and gave me genuine advice, that truly means the world to me. Lots of you think this is fake, it’s not and I wish it was for my own sake. I’m heartbroken because I love him but after talking with my mom about it, she agreed with me and is helping me move back home today. Currently writing this with tears rolling down my face but it’s ok, time will pass. I just don’t know how to get used to being alone again.

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[u/ActEfficient2638]

Get you a partner that helps you fix your car instead of moving you in to be a free maid/chef service while you’re trapped using their vehicle with a side of resentment. The rent is HOPEFULLY free, so save up to get your own wheels and place ASAP. The tantrums and silent treatment plus resentment are not okay.

[u/throwaway-9473290 → u/ActEfficient2638]

He’s already moving her to 50/50 financial contribution and 100/0 domestic labor. 

[u/MichElegance → u/throwaway-9473290]

Totally. As well as bang-maid status.

OP you need to get out of this situation!

[u/senditloud → u/MichElegance]

Well sounds like she’s just a maid now. Put money on him banging someone else

[u/LegitimatePoetry534 → u/senditloud]

This. He wants to be able to just disappear whenever and her not question it? 💯 banging somebody else

[u/L3m0n0p0ly → u/LegitimatePoetry534]

Yeahhh that and the whole apology bombing makes me think cheating or drinking but man hasn't even grew in his balls yet so the drinking is probably wrong.

[u/shootingstarstuff → u/throwaway-9473290]

OP justifying her move in with him by listing all the domestic labor she’s taken over made me feel sick.

[u/senditloud → u/shootingstarstuff]

It made me angry at her.

ETA: I think some of you are confusing “angry” with “mad.” The word mad contains much stronger emotions related to rage. Angry can mean strongly displeased or annoyed. I am strongly annoyed she’s proud of catering this POS and displeased she ignored every red flag.

[u/exhausted4everrr → u/senditloud]

OP is 20. I think she deserves a little grace.

[u/strayduplo → u/exhausted4everrr]

Good that she's hearing it from us now, though. I married the guy I dated at 20, and I had the exact same mindset as she did. I'm 40 and I am SO MAD AT MYSELF for staying!!!

[u/SteelMagnolia941 → u/exhausted4everrr]

So true. I did some stupid things at 20 and definitely took more shit than I deserved. I hope OP can learn from all the people who and lived this and survived to tell the tale!

[u/Difficult-Finger4830 → u/exhausted4everrr]

yeah, at 20 you still have so much to learn about life and love…

[u/senditloud → u/exhausted4everrr]

Sure she does. And I’m partially being a little snarky here. But how proud she is of “plating” him food and
playing housewife just… argh. Girl get a spine!

And my 17 and 15 year olds would scoff at doing this. Maybe it’s because their mom, but they seems to have learned not to put up with this stuff from the internet.

[u/soylattebb → u/exhausted4everrr]

Sure but this sure should be a lesson learned

[u/Capital-Durian-885 → u/shootingstarstuff]

Same

[u/SteelMagnolia941 → u/throwaway-9473290]

This makes me really uncomfortable especially when kids aren’t involved. Throw kids in the mix and this gets bad. I know I lived it.

[u/Delicious_Tie3953 → u/ActEfficient2638]

If you look at her profile. It looks like he is the reason why her car broke down.

[u/stubbytuna → u/Delicious_Tie3953]

seems like he might be lying about how he broke her car too ...

[u/parasyte_steve → u/Delicious_Tie3953]

Shocking. I wonder if he did that on purpose to trap her.

[u/Responsible_Ask3976 → u/ActEfficient2638]

She’s doing wife stuff without being the wife 😳 he also just sounds immature as well, don’t think I’d be with a man like this 

[u/wasraelx → u/Responsible_Ask3976]

Seriously smh why are some women out there being housewives for boyfriends without houses. I hope OP reads all this and leaves his bum ass, and does all this cute wifey stuff for herself

[u/OpeningConfection490 → u/ActEfficient2638]

While they are doing that they need to leave this pathetic guy too

[u/GlassApprehensive620 → u/ActEfficient2638]

Or a partner who doesn’t make you sleep on the couch without a blanket. Criminal behavior

[u/ikeepmywordontIudasf]

He needs you to plate his fuckin food and makes a scene about it, unbelievable lol.

[u/gundam2017 → u/ikeepmywordontIudasf]

My sister married this. 16 years later, he throws a fucking fit if she doesnt leap to get his fat ass ice cream. Girl, it wont get better

[u/chef_kt2e → u/gundam2017]

Perfectly said. It won’t get better.

[u/wasraelx → u/chef_kt2e]

‘Marriage is an institution through which even the poorest man can have a maid’

[u/AspiringForestWitch → u/gundam2017]

Omg, did your brother-in-law learn to do this from my father? He would scream at my mom for not bringing him his ice cream in bed fast enough.

[u/gundam2017 → u/AspiringForestWitch]

I watched his ass do it saturday night. We drove 8 hrs to visit, bought ice cream. I told him "hey! We have ice cream if you want some" and he legit yelled for my sister to get him some   If i wasnt trying to reconnect with my sister and her kids again, i would have laid into him more than I did. 

[u/Steak-Outrageous → u/AspiringForestWitch]

In bed! Wtf

[u/GirlCowBev → u/AspiringForestWitch]

IN BED?

Ooooo, epic parenting fail. Ugh.

[u/wet_lace_scraps → u/AspiringForestWitch]

The more I read in this thread the more I long for vigilante justice. I would love to break in just to mush an ice cream right into his forehead and then leave. 😤

[u/ikeepmywordontIudasf → u/gundam2017]

Damn that’s my nightmare

[u/Stunning_salty → u/gundam2017]

Same here girl. I let him run me around for four years. Just left and finally feel better.

[u/teethwhichbite → u/gundam2017]

sixteen years....i think i aged two lifetimes reading that. someone save her.

[u/Dense-Ad-7600 → u/ikeepmywordontIudasf]

AND left for hours to let it get cold. 🤣🤣🤣

[u/IHaveNoEgrets → u/ikeepmywordontIudasf]

It's not too late to plate leftovers. I hear fettuccine à la pillowcase is very en vogue these days.

[u/JustStopItSeriously → u/ikeepmywordontIudasf]

And then didn't eat it, left the house for four hours and 'got food' after so never did eat it!?!

[u/Suzuki_Foster → u/ikeepmywordontIudasf]

For real, what a fucking infant he is. I can't imagine being attracted to a guy who acts like this.

[u/Downtown_Cat_1745]

He kicked you out of bed because you had a work emergency. That’s all you need to know.

[u/Bakedbabe_710 → u/Downtown_Cat_1745]

yup, my bf might get mad in the moment but we’re over it by the time we get home

this sounds really sad 😞

[u/parasyte_steve → u/Bakedbabe_710]

My husband would never get mad in the moment about an emergency..

[u/InFridgidWater → u/parasyte_steve]

Literally this. Good partners don’t get angry about emergencies…😐

[u/9ScoreAnd10Panties → u/Bakedbabe_710]

My fiance understands that due to the nature of my job- there are sometimes emergencies that affect my schedule. 

Why would your BF be mad about a work emergency?

[u/stinkygrill → u/9ScoreAnd10Panties]

i could totally see someone being annoyed about waiting around an hour after you asked to be picked up, but it’s just a kneejerk selfish reaction that you shake off and go about your day. bringing it home with you is insane tho yeah, it was literally out of her control.

[u/Bakedbabe_710 → u/stinkygrill]

agreed completely

[u/PlayerOneHasEntered → u/Bakedbabe_710]

Once upon a time, I was married to a literal alcoholic who lost his shit at almost every single turn, sometimes for no reason at all... And this wouldn't have even registered to him as something to be mad at, and boy did that man hunt for a reason to be pissed just as hard as he hunted for a good deal on Vodka...

If your partner would get "mad" in the moment over a workplace emergency, you need a new man almost as much as OP needs a new man.

[u/Icy-Yellow3514 → u/Downtown_Cat_1745]

And a work emergency that includes a living being in distress.

[u/Successful_Buffalo_6]

Girl, this man made you “thug it out” in the cold on the couch. You should be packing your stuff because it only gets worse from here. You’re better off moving back home.

[u/acbuglife → u/Successful_Buffalo_6]

Holy shit, seriously. This is the cherry on top! It doesn't matter how frustrated I am with someone, I'd never let them be intentionally uncomfortable like this. OP, he ain't worth it.

[u/miyamiya66 → u/Successful_Buffalo_6]

DAMN OP'S BOYFRIEND IS A LOSER!!! please dump him OP my goodness 😭 you cook breakfast and dinner for this guy? you CLEAN HIS BEDROOM for him? is this man child going to next ask you to hold his hand when he goes potty, or to change his diaper when he makes an accident in it?

im exhausted just from reading OP's post

[u/QuinnLoveborneAuthor → u/miyamiya66]

You clocked it right there. I should have stopped reading because this is truly sad and I feel like I need a drink to sort out my thoughts and write something more productive.

[u/Queen_ofthe_Culture → u/Successful_Buffalo_6]

THIS. He’s showing you who he is and it will only get worse. He was whatever bombing you. Love, housing bomb.

Normalize leaving without any communication or negotiation. LEAVE.

[u/Previous-Thought-486 → u/Queen_ofthe_Culture]

This but I would pack up my bags and leave without warning him and right before I block him send him the paragraphs of her describing what happened from above as a “hey do you see what a crappy person you look like when put on paper”

[u/ExpensiveSolid8990 → u/Successful_Buffalo_6]

YES OP please understand this is how it starts. I literally had something similar happen and it started just like this. It ended up being one of the most toxic and abusive relationships I ended up getting stuck in.
Even if he was mad at you he’s more than ok with letting you suffer out of spite. Please try to get out of there. This guy doesn’t care about you.

[u/Frankoceansbigtoe → u/Successful_Buffalo_6]

Seriously abuse like….

[u/Maxwells_Demona → u/Frankoceansbigtoe]

Definitely abuse. Full stop.

[u/Enough-Pack7468 → u/Successful_Buffalo_6]

It even got worse over a few hours.

I’ve never heard of a man who makes the woman sleep on the couch. Add raised in a barn to his red flags.

[u/throwfaraway212718 → u/Successful_Buffalo_6]

She should’ve been gone before he woke up

[u/RevenueExtreme4161 → u/Successful_Buffalo_6]

I would rather sleep on the street than this man’s couch!

[u/finemelater → u/Successful_Buffalo_6]

Yeah when things don’t feel good in a relationship, the question isn’t “how do I make this person do better for me?” but “how do I take the steps I need to take to have the life I want to have where I’m cared for, respected, and prioritized?” Anything short of that is settling for a life filled with disappointment.

[u/peanutbutterbaybey]

This man does not like you… run and don’t look back, he does not deserve you. It is also sketchy that he goes out and ghosts you for hours, kind of giving possible cheater vibes to me with all the other details

[u/Budget_Apricot_8297 → u/peanutbutterbaybey]

If you also look at her last post, theres a big chance he intentionally broke her car. I worked in a shop for YEARS. My dad's a mechanic and my husband is a mechanic. We see stripped oil drain plug bolts (and oil pans) relatively often, but a crack like that? Must have wrenched on it for a hot minute and with way too much torque.

[u/27softtacos]

You moved in and became his mother and get surprised when he treats you like a spoiled brat. Learn from this and your life will be much better.

[u/alien_thatmeeps → u/27softtacos]

He views you as his mommy, with him being the 14 year old son with anger issues. Get out ASAP.

[u/upsidedown-funnel → u/27softtacos]

But he’s fine, when he’s not in a bad mood. /s

[u/FrostyShake1486]

So he wants a built in maid but also wants you to contribute financially while he’s an AH after it was HIS idea to move in

[u/echosanonymous → u/FrostyShake1486]

and definitely gets all the benefits of sex

[u/ButterBaconBallz]

You're barely adults, you have plenty of time to find someone who deserves you.

He is 100% cheating. And he should not have made you sleep on the couch.

[u/Used_Foundation7517 → u/ButterBaconBallz]

Came to say this. The leaving then ghosting and then blowing up saying she’s too much, he had to of cheated

[u/senditloud → u/Used_Foundation7517]

Oh for sure he’s cheating

[u/parasyte_steve → u/senditloud]

There is no way this man is not cheating. I had one kinda like this and yeah...

[u/MithosYggdrasill1992 → u/ButterBaconBallz]

I was thinking this as well with the insane amount of apologies after snapping at her the second time after he ghosted her. He was fucking somebody else, had a moment of guilt, and then went right back to it for another hour. It would also explain why he told her not to lay on him, he was probably afraid that he still smelled like the other girls perfume or something.

[u/parasyte_steve → u/MithosYggdrasill1992]

Ahhh yes the don't touch me is the biggest indicator because of that but also bc of guilt most likely. Men are physical creatures of touch if they are saying they don't wanna touch you thats a huge red flag.

Of course everyone has moments and consent of course very important I am literally just saying if its a pattern thats unusual for men and I have dated many men. Like probably 60 ish lol

[u/stinkygrill → u/MithosYggdrasill1992]

yup, it was playing out in my head like a script. certain men aren’t difficult to recognize and this one is absolutely the type. also the shame element. everything he’s snapping at her is intended to shame her. “why are you laying on me” “you’re always tripping, chill” it’s meant to make u second guess urself and think ur the weird one, because he can’t handle the shame he’s currently living through and projecting it out onto op.

[u/Little-Set694 → u/ButterBaconBallz]

surprised i had to scroll so far for someone to say he's 100% cheating! all of these are huge indicators (sudden distance, disappears for a long time with no update, profuse apologizing, refusing cuddles, OP even said he cheated on her in the past in another comment??)

[u/bbysd]

Are you working AND taking care of a man baby?! Girl NO you’re too young to fall into this trap 

[u/gemomus]

he sounds absolutely awful and you deserve better, i’d start planning exit route asap

[u/AiAyano]

You moved in with him after he cheated on you??? Girllllllllll 😭

[u/Free-Pound-6139 → u/AiAyano]

Things have been really good

This has to be rage bait. There is no one this delusional.

[u/m4ndy246 → u/AiAyano]

where does it say he cheated on her? am i missing something

[u/AiAyano → u/m4ndy246]

OP replied to another comment and said

Funny enough he did cheat on me with a receptionist from his dealership and brought her car to his shop and tinted it for free lol. This was back in October but it's still why I want him to keep me updated when he's there.

[u/Massive_Letterhead90 → u/AiAyano]

Sigh

[u/bexohomo → u/AiAyano]

that's insane. she needs to have more self respect. the moment cheating occurs, it's a done deal for the relationship

[u/sweetlysabrina → u/AiAyano]

oh BIG yikes

[u/Lucidity74]

It doesn't get better. He's showing you who he is under "stress". Girl- you deserve to be adored. Move back out.

[u/Luna_Soma]

Please get away from him. This is scary behavior

[u/Pure-Rose-Rainbow]

Girl, leave him, he treats you bad already so fast, it will get much worse soon

[u/DviantPink]

If your best friend's partner was treating her like this, what would you tell her? Why do you deserve less?

[u/ikeepmywordontIudasf]

bruh you do all of that and he does that shit.. he doesn’t know how good he has it.

[u/Unable_Resort_7956 → u/ikeepmywordontIudasf]

He knows. He’s like a spider in a web, wrapping her up, being abusive to make her beg. If she doesn’t leave, he’ll make it ALL about him—she’ll have to work, pay half a f everything, and do all the housework. This man wants to be king. I hope she leaves his sad little kingdom.

[u/FrogVolence → u/Unable_Resort_7956]

He sounds sociopathic and narcissistic.

[u/New-Shake7638]

Yuck (the relationship, not the alfredo which looks absolutely delicious by the way).

Is there anywhere else you can live? If so, I would make arrangements and be out of there so fast his head would spin. This man does not respect you and it sounds like he doesn’t even like you.

You deserve someone who splits chores, speaks to you and treats you kindly, and laughs and talks with you while you eat the yummy Alfredo you made.

Idk this man pissed me off so bad I want to go full thug on him.

[u/fkthishit44 → u/New-Shake7638]

Me reading he was mad about the food plating like

https://giphy.com/gifs/RILsqUte1MME7TzQJ9

[u/SharpShake87 → u/New-Shake7638]

He'd definitely be finding out what we think "thugging it out" means.

[u/whimsicism → u/New-Shake7638]

Tbh in the circumstances HE should have been making the Alfredo for HER.

[u/Sea_Macaron_7962]

Did u sign a lease? If not, grab ur things and move back asap.

[u/Informal-Counter-933]

Girl stop this is him slowly becoming controlling and abusive, y'all were fine UNTIL?? you moved in and started acting like his mother? Feeding him, doing his laundry, taking care of HIS PETS, cleaning the living areas, AND NOW HE DOESNT WANT TO DO ANYTHING WITH YOU. NOW HE IS DEMANDING YOU TO DO MORE THAN YOU ARE ALREADY DOING, WHILE HE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

YOU ARE HIS MOTHER, YOU ARE HIS MAID. YOU NEED TO LEAVE. And if you don't then that's on you, whatever happens will happen.

[u/Unusual_Jellyfish224]

I am almost twice your age and I can tell you, this dude isn’t kind, fair, neither emotionally safe.

Run. Had an ex who used to criticize me, how I am, disturb my peace, not let me sleep, criticize the gifts I got him.

[u/Middle_Degree_1995]

“…I cook breakfast and dinner every day, handle all his laundry, keep his room clean, and take care of his cats.…”

You are 20 years old. Go be 20 years old.

[u/Interesting-World520 → u/Middle_Degree_1995]

https://giphy.com/gifs/aZXRIHxo9saPe

[u/Acrobatic_Creme_972]

why are you 20 years old and doing a man’s laundry and plating his food omg! girl you’re so young please dump this man and LIVE

[u/TeeHive2993 → u/Acrobatic_Creme_972]

I agree. Why are you being so subservient to this man child who doesn’t appear to appreciate you?

[u/Plenty-Actuary2157]

Please do yourself a favor before his treatment towards you gets worse and leave , Alfredo looks DELICIOUS btw

[u/RamuneRain]

You leave. He has you at his place knowing you seemingly have nowhere to go. He thinks he has you locked in now. And the ugly mask starts slipping.
This will get worse. And he was never at the shop for four hours+.
A man that needs someone plating his food is a child.

[u/Either-Definition-40]

This is a relationship you will always regret if you stay. Don’t just settle for this horrible experience. He has already shown you! Open your eyes, obviously you see it,so get out!

Yes, you are young, but you are not stupid! Get out!

[u/manobillicat]

Please move out and break up. He's miserable man baby and sucking your time and energy.

[u/Moggetti]

He can’t serve his own food? Are both his arms broken?

[u/unknownsequitur]

Move back out immediately. You deserve so much better than a man who randomly gets mad at you got no reason and treats you worse than a servant.

He kicked you out of bed. He let you freeze all night. Why? Because you inconvenienced him.

Don't give your 20s to this, or any man. Fix your car, and dump this man child now.

[u/konariya]

You are a live in bangmaid and that man deserves to be alone. If you’re in undergrad, can you get financial assistance and dorm?

[u/splashmob]

I got here late and just read your edit and I wanted to say I am SO fucking proud of you. I wish I could give you a hug and take you out for a delicious dinner and tell them to send a cake with sparklers to the table because you have done SUCH a difficult thing and you deserve a whole party thrown in your honour.

Sending you a LOT of love - this first part is the absolute hardest and you are being so brave and strong ❤️

[u/ruubystaar → u/splashmob]

I’m going to bawl, this is the sweetest message ever. Thank you :( 🩷

[u/Emergency_East3001]

He's a child.

Do yourself a big favor and find someone that treats you good, the way you deserve to be treated.

You shouldn't have to tolerate this sort of behaviour in a relationship. You also mentioned he has cheated on you before?.. At some point you have to ask yourself why you are okay with being disrespected. You can do so much better.

[u/freshferns]

Babe… I am holding your hand as I say this- he sucks. Like hard. You deserve so much better.

[u/XyRabbit → u/freshferns]

[u/freshferns → u/XyRabbit]

[u/sadmadstudent]

You gotta go, girl. This person isn't for you and clearly isn't ready to be living with a partner. If it's bad after one month you do not want to see one year.

Speaking as a woman who's stayed in far, far too many relationships longer than I should have - it's time to make plans.

[u/Extension-Tie-7833]

He’s acting like a spoiled child, not a man.

[u/sub-w-femby]

https://giphy.com/gifs/hKqxkEmh2K3bYW74gy

[u/Similar-Ad-6862]

He's too immature and awful to be worthy of any woman let alone you.

Honey. You're young. This man is showing you who he is. Believe him and leave.

[u/peppersprinkle]

Omg girl you don't need help you need to run for the hills.

He's making you sleep on the couch no blanket within a month of you guys moving in together? And letting this beautiful dinner turn cold bc he was being petty and ungrateful?

He is trying to desensitize you to all of his BS early on so you can be at his beck and call and feel like taking care of his every whim is your sole responsibility and as long as he's not throwing a tantrum bc you've taken care of everything he needs he's fine... That's not what a healthy relationship is built in and idk how much I believe he was really at the store for two whole hours. Especially if your other comment said he cheated and you have set the check in expectation bc you don't trust him... You shouldn't trust him at all

It sounds like he lacks compassion and even without the waiting in the car thing he needs to learn some emotional regulation and just, how to act with a partner before he's ready for the living together part of the relationship.

(Edit for spelling and to add comment)

[u/skrilltastic]

Dump him. I know that's always Reddit advice, but this guy wants a bang-maid, not a girlfriend. You're doing EVERYTHING for him, cooking, cleaning, etc. What is HE doing to carry his weight in the partnership? Giving you shit about having to work late. Ugh. Seriously, read what you wrote back to yourself and ask yourself, "if my best friend had written this, what advice would I give them?" Then go be your own best friend 😘

Edited to add: that fettuccine looks amazing 👏

[u/Euphoric-Comfort-237]

I feel like hes doing something behind your back...

[u/_bugmenot_]

[u/bitcharikibaath]

Unfortunately your man tested what you’re willing to put up with as far as his behavior and now that he sees what he can get away with, he will only get worse from here on out. You both have been living together for only a month. He is showing you his true colors because he understands that he has power over you due to you living with him and not having a car.

I hope you can find the courage and clarity to see that this is the man that he is. His behavior is incredibly immature, disrespectful and downright cruel to you. It really seems like he wants to tear you down and break your self esteem. Would you accept someone treating your best friend like that? If you had a daughter would you want her to be with someone like that?

A lot of women tell themselves that things will get better if they can just (in his own words) “thug it out” but they don’t. You sell yourself short hoping it will please him but nothing does, because he doesn’t want to be a good partner, he just wants to dominate you.

You get the love you accept, not the love you deserve. I hope you find the strength to leave and I wish you lots of love and healing in your journey. You’ve got this!

[u/Limonmaduro]

Everyone saying he’s abusive and while I agree I think he’s mainly acting out like this because he’s cheating and is trying to slowly make her hate him so she leaves without actually telling her the truth of him not wanting to be with her

[u/856077 → u/Limonmaduro]

then why tf did he ask her to move in?! What a waste of everyone’s time and energy. OP pack your stuff and get out of there ASAP. Block him on everything. You’ve got this

[u/itsmycurls777]

I’m a firm believer that if a man starts randomly being unkind like this that there’s someone else who is getting that kindness and that he would rather spend his money on.

[u/k_eanu]

So you’re twenty - only recently an adult - and when you move in with your boyfriend he expects you to act like his mom. No wonder he doesn’t then want you near him like that all of a sudden. You became his mom. And he sounds like a fucking nightmare of a son. Petty, belligerent, demeaning. This isn’t your fault. Men regularly turn their girlfriends into their mothers and then things get bad and weird. But you’re not married to him. Go be twenty. Have fun. Be skeptical of giving dudes your time. Be with your friends. Get a cat. Follow what feels right in your highest spirit and keep going. Listen to the little voice that says, “huh, maybe not”

You got this. Pack your bags, ok?

[u/catsushi_]

So in one day he has provided you literally ✨nothing✨ but a miserable ride home in silence…. but he did have the energy to make demands. Let’s tally those up, shall we?

You are to:

• “Apologize more” for having an emergency at work (AKA grovel for his forgiveness)

• Do 100% of the domestic labor

• 50% financial contribution

• Stop asking him for minuscule favors (like driving you home FROM WORK, where you are grinding for money to buy his lazy ass food)

• Stop communicating with him at all when he decides to fuck off “to the store” for hours.

• Make him dinner and PLATE IT for him (or else!)

• Do not cuddle him, do not touch him. Withholding affection is a punishment “for your behavior” and you are meant to take it without complaint.

• Order yet another dinner if the food you worked hard on gets cold while he’s ghosting or sulking

• Sleep on the couch like a dog (except even dogs get a fucking blanket)

Snap out of it. You are a bang maid. It is the classic modus operandi of every abusive piece of shit; the mask has come off because you moved in and he has you “trapped”. This will not stop, it will only get worse as you slowly acclimate to the abuse being your “normal”.

He will always have a new reason up his sleeve to berate you and it will always be “your fault”, you will spend the rest of your life on your knees groveling and apologizing in the hopes of getting a shred of kindness from a loser who cannot even plate his own food.

You need to get the fuck out of there. You deserve so much more than this.

[u/MaverisStranger → u/catsushi_]

OP should specifically do exactly none of these things to observe how the next guy responds to this. Time to vet them properly.

[u/Tasty-Yogurtcloset28]

Leave? You were 45 minutes late to be picked up and he proceeds to give you some flavor of silent treatment to make you feel bad for several hours, instead of talking it out. Take the alfredo and run

[u/TurbulentAerie3785]

JUST DUMP HIM JFC

[u/-kittsune-]

no one has made this point yet, but frankly, i don't even need to know the other things he's done to you to determine that he's trash.

he got angry and came at you at you for being late to save a dog's life. i would wait for and forgive literally anything for that. bin him.

[u/PreferenceFirm4206]

Why would you want to be with someone who says these things to you?
“Lay off” “just thug it out” “draining and exhausting”

Just let him go girl

[u/_alexamaeh]

i mean, cmonnnn.. going to the shop for 4 hours with no word?

[u/cronicllee]

“”and wants me to “lay off” and let him go ghost whenever he goes out.””
Come on OP…..he found a side and is regretting you moving in because he can’t have who he wants over whenever anymore…please save up and get out and find a real partner! Best of luck

[u/Gold_Warning_8618]

You’re his mom now sweetie! He is treating you as such. He sounds abusive and he might be cheating on you. So many men only know how to attach to women as mothers/caregivers or sexual objects. You became his mom so now you are desexualized and he is finding it elsewhere. This man has attachment and entitlement issues.

[u/youmustb3jokn]

Girl……. Girl. He is not wanting a relationship with you, he wants a a domestic robot with no feelings and now thoughts other than his own. You deserve more. Update me.

[u/ruubystaar → u/youmustb3jokn]

I’m back home just trying to rationalize everything and read all the advice everyone has. He doesn’t know I left because he was at work, but I’ll break the news to him when he asks

[u/Granny_Skeksis → u/ruubystaar]

Good for you not even telling him! He doesn’t deserve it. Proud of you!

[u/PeeDecanter]

Why are you paying for anything while working as his unpaid maid? Even without the emotional abuse…Girl.

Stop being a doormat. Especially for someone as worthless as him lmfao

[u/urdrunkyogi]

If you ordered a steak with mashed potatoes and grilled asparagus, and the server brought you a single frozen McDonald’s patty with no sides, would you just eat it and pay the check without saying a word?

No, you wouldn’t.

This man is not what you ordered. He’s not even properly cooked.

[u/Routine_Ad_155]

Honey, get the hell out of there! This will only get worse, not better

[u/Eunomia28]

Please get out of there ASAP, your boyfriend is abusive!

Holy sh**, this was horrifying to read. Take care of yourself 😔. Do you have family or friends that you're able to stay with tonight?

[u/Laylakat]

Time to get out of there. It only gets worse from that point.

[u/GoonOnGames420]

https://giphy.com/gifs/jmnczdzxZl3FXIABFs

[u/xLolabuns]

From my experience, this sudden change of personality after they've successfully isolated you by getting you to "move in with them" at their excessive request, is not only because they don't respect you as a person, but that they truly believe you're now stuck or "locked in" enough that they feel comfortable to begin cheating on you, because they truly believe you will just deal with whatever they do to you and you won't leave them.

He was gone for several hours and then seemingly apologetic about it for a moment, then immediately calling you clingy and forcing you to sleep on the couch. His behavior REEKS of a guilty conscience.

Someone who actually loves you would NEVER treat you the way he has been. It does not matter one bit how "good" things were up until then. He has now shown the capacity to mistreat you severely, and you need to move accordingly. You deserve far better than this.

[u/ShotEffective7033]

Shitty men will often put on a façade until they feel like they have you trapped. Like after you move in together or get married.

I would throw the whole man out.

[u/HealthHoncho]

Please leave this man alone. My partner would never leave me to freeze by myself. Leave.

[u/luckyteapotcat]

You were an hour over at work and this happened, get out of there

[u/Far-Delay7690]

You're only 20, ditch the terrible man now

[u/Affectionate-Ad-9476]

Please stand up. Find a man who will actually help you fix your car and get out of there. If you lay down and take this then you're only screwing yourself

[u/Nakenochny]

This is the beginning of a cycle of abuse that you’re going to have to escape before it escalates even more. He’s got you dependent on him (no car), waiting on him (you’re doing his laundry and feeding him, and if you haven’t fed him he throws a fit like a toddler), and then he treats you like shit any time he feels like it (he’s literally yelling at you for trying to spend quality time with him). On top of that, he may very well be cheating given the way he disappears when he “goes to the shop” (I’m sorry but ghosting like that and being defensive about not being responsive at all is a big [personal experience] cheating red flag for me).

And this is less than a month in. This will not improve and will only get worse. Make your decisions appropriately.

[u/buffalowoman9]

On top of all this, if you read her first post, her boyfriend ruined her car by cracking the oil pan with a torque wrench. Sounds like he might have done that on purpose to get her to move in and be his bang maid. The comments saying this has got to be a troll may be right but come on y’all, there are some folks out there who get themselves in much worse relationships than this. If she is real I just hope she leaves and doesn’t get involved with anyone remotely like this again.

[u/Funny_Breadfruit_413]

He's training you to be his servant. Go back home.

[u/One_Resolution_8357]

OP, you are both very young. He is frightfully immature and entitled and is already tired of trying to be adult so he made you come live with him. You are already his mom and he treats you like garbage. He complains when you are distant and complains when you get close, WTF ?

Leave. Life is too short to be treated like this. He does not love you or even like you anymore and proves it with his behaviour.

[u/Sasha_Stem]

You are being his maid for free and he’s still complaining? Plus you work? You know the answer. Leave this toxic and abusive relationship.

[u/Difficult-Finger4830]

Made you sleep on the couch with no blanket and said “thug it out”? Umm, no, that’s abuse. Weaponized incompetence, withholding of affection, gaslighting… you’re better off alone than being with him a minute longer. The best relationship is right around the corner, but you won’t know as you’re shackled to this creep. That’s how it was for me, always darkest before the dawn.

[u/OrneryOrdinary4749]

I’d love an update after you move out and if the boyfriend even says anything/what you say to him. If you all are breaking up?

[u/katleessi]

Being alone sounds better than whatever tf this is 😭

I miss my husband when he’s taking a nap… I can’t imagine being treated this way by someone who’s supposed to love me.

You deserve better, OP!

[u/quicksilver-ace]

i know you don't want to face being alone but this man made you cook for him after you had a work emergency and then made you freeze on the couch. being alone is better than any of this. you'll be fine girl <3

[u/D0v4hki1n]

lol at the “let him go ghost” bit. he’s cheating on you, or will. this is the exact wording my ex said to me when he was fucking 8 other women somehow.

get out of this dorks life, he doesn’t even deserve you telling him. you should “go ghost” on him

[u/sassysarah00]

You are so young and have so much time to find someone who genuinely wants to be a PARTNER. Right now he uses you for cooking cleaning and sex. Might be a fair exchange if he paid for everything, valued your reasonable request to not ghost you when out and drove you everywhere happily, however this is not the case. It will only get worse so please see about getting a car and get out of there.

[u/BoringCrab6755]

https://giphy.com/gifs/6lpoTA2GNL2N40WADb

[u/Head-Sherbet-9675]

I really thought I was on the CJ sub, you do his laundry, cook for him, clean HIS room, take care of HIS cats, and cover the groceries, and after you made him that meal with an extra portion plus playing it for him you ended up getting food anyway? This cannot be real. For my sanity I can’t believe someone would type this out and be like yeah I can save this are you in the stepford wife universe???

[u/Past_Possibility637]

you know what must be done

[u/Hour_Mousse7914]

He wants a mommy

[u/rxrock]

Please be aware a piece of your mail is in the picture you posted. Just lookin out for you ❤️

[u/856077]

Oh wow.. My heart broke for you reading this. Any person /guy would be insanely lucky to have a partner as caring and loving and attentive as you are. This guy is clearly not the one. I would be concerned where he was exactly for hours when he goes ghost on you.. I’m thinking something shady and or cheating..

Move back out immediately. Take your dignity back and leave on your own terms and tell him to thug it out on his own then. What a vile piece of work. He is treating you like shit because that’s how he talks to and feels like himself.

[u/ragnawrekt]

https://giphy.com/gifs/5AhGRH6eiFbdMMj6fu

[u/Unfair_Bee545]

All I can say is you're 20. Everything you feel is valid, but dont lose sight. I promise you, by the time you're 25, you'll look back on this and wonder why you were so upset. 

[u/inkyfoxdeer]

this is a fucking baby you are dating. you're literally being his MOTHER.

[u/Extension-Nebula-235]

He wants to go ghost so he can cheat on you, it's so obvious. It's why he wanted nothing to do with you physically when he came home. And to let you be cold on a couch alone? It's perfectly obvious to someone without bias; this guy does not love you. Hell, this douchbag doesn't even like you.

Leave while your dignity is still in tact.

[u/Huge_Palpitation_886]

I can tell you're young because no mature woman would put up with this shit.

[u/ProudParamedic4107]

LOL why do you do all of his chores for him? Do you have any self respect at all?

Chores need to be done by both people in a household. Be less of a little girl and more of a woman if you are going to move in with a clown like this - for your own sake.

EDIT: on second thought, this is 100% a troll post. There is no way you'd allow someone to do all of this to you, unless you truly have no sense of self and truly, really don't care about yourself at all. The fact that you're wondering what you should do in this situation tells me you're definitely not ready for a relationship in any way shape or form. You first need to love yourself before you're going to be good for anybody else. So yeah, either you're trolling the subreddit hard, or you're truly so out of touch with your own self respect that you're going to allow this man to walk all over you as he currently is.

[u/moongoddesswitch]

Move out girl. This is horrible treatment. Life is way way too short to put up with this. This isn’t love. Dump him and move on.

[u/SteelMagnolia941]

Holy shit. I would have left in the night and gone no contact. He doesn’t deserve one second of your time. If you stay with this guy it will only get worse.

[u/_Pliny_]

I’m sorry you’re going through this, OP.

He’s finding that he doesn’t actually want to live together and instead of using his adult words, he’s being as awful as possible to get you to leave.

You have the opportunity now to do so with dignity or to try to “talk it through,” but I think that will only drag things out and be more emotionally draining.

- while he’s at work get your stuff packed up and out

• telling him you’re moving out: less is more. “This isn’t working for me.”
  
• you could say you don’t accept being disrespected or given the silent treatment, but I would advise against getting into a “discussion” about it where you’ll likely just end up gaslighted and told what you experienced never happened and/or you deserved it.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Most of us have been in similar situations. It’s not a failure. It’s just something that happens when people aren’t good matches and/or aren’t mature enough.

[u/Ill_Mission_1225]

WTF. he let's you sleep ib the cold? wants you to pay more than your share? (and not sure I read that correctly... are you doing chores 50/50?) my husband would never have a problem with letting me know where he is, how long he will take, etc. I do understand that he is fed up with driving you (I don't drive any more and husband has to drive me which makes me feel bad.. so this is not as judgmental as it sounds. I do understand your side) but all the rest is BS. not sure if this is some manosphere crap, if he does not love you or both. but I would not want to be with that man.

[u/Original-Strain]

Girl leave. It’s only gonna get worse and this is no where close to what a normal person deserves.

[u/DelightfulandDarling]

Leave him as fast as you can. This sort of treatment is grooming you to accept worse abuse soon enough.

[u/LogicalAd2334]

Uh, why are you still with him when he's clearly treating like a parent? Girl, stand up for yourself. You moved into HIS house and assumed all of his chores? Why do you think that's okay?

[u/throwaway-9473290]

This sounds awful. Why are you choosing this?

[u/take2my1stwaslost]

immediately break up. immediately. this mans is showing no consideration for you AT ALL. the things he blew up at you about are easy things that a lot of couples face and have to talk out. but they talk it out in calm and respectful ways. this man is not mature enough for this and certainly does not even have basic respect for you. you deserve better.

[u/HXamster]

1. I understand feeling pressure from a parent when they need the car. But giving his mom the car and buying you an Uber would be a better solution than waiting for 45 min if it's thatmuch of an emergency (to give her the car. I know dogs overheating is an emergency)

2. Does he not possess full motor function? Can he not plate the fucking food himself? Why do you have to do it for him? Bitch you WORK. You're not some stay at home wife or husband. You WORK and provide sheer monetary value to the home, don't do all his shit for him. Now he expects you to baby him. My love language is acts of service through food, but the expectation of plating it is insane. If I'm busy I tell my husband "food's ready!!" And he gets his own damn bowl and is capable of grating his own damn cheese and cracks his own pepper.

3. What the hell was he doing out for 3 or 4 hours. How can you stay at the store that long

4. You cooked perfectly good food, you didn't eat? You can gently reheat Alfredo in the same pan to warm it but prevent it from separating. Or if he's too much of a lazy oaf, he can put it in the microwave. I'd be so fucking mad if I made good food and then because of his wasteful and spiteful action I had to throw it away

5. Kicking you out to the couch is reprehensible. I'd just pack my shit and leave without a word. I would've stopped caring for him at this point and just ignored him and left. Not like your name is on the lease. I don't give a fuck how stressed out you are, how pissed off, whatever. Snapping at me when I'm trying to be sweet, giving me the silent treatment, kicking me out of bed? I would've been gone by morning.

In conclusion, if you want to stay with him, you need to be blunt. "I'm not going to serve your food every time when you can do it yourself." "I cook food to save money, you can eat this or make something yourself." Really the "you didn't serve me yet" is my biggest inciting problem. The entitlement there is ridiculous. Kicking me out to the couch would've been the last straw. Treating you like a fucking dog, it's disgusting

[u/Upbeat_Towel4816]

You are not an indentured servant. It should be team work, and the way you are phrasing, 'his room' and 'his cats' says a lot without saying a lot. I'm sorry.

[u/sexyvegtabl]

Jesus Christ. Get your things together and get out of there girl. You deserve so much better than this boy who treats you like garbage. Seriously.

[u/Curious-Mongoose-180]

BEGGINGGGGGGGG you to get a backbone here. Please read this and tell me what about it is normal or healthy. Got mad about how you plated his food? Missing for hours? Refuses to be near you? Made you sleep cold on the couch? Every single one of those is unacceptable. Topped off with you being his mommy and cooking and cleaning…. Whew girl. The hard truth is this is dead in the water.

[u/Slight-Persimmon6854]

You stayed late at work to save an animals life and this is how he reacts? Insane work. Time to save up your shmoney and dip.

[u/Plenty_Kangaroo5224]

You lost me at “ “bruh you’re tripping over nothing, it’s not that deep.” You need to figure out how to be a partner, not a mom. He needs to grow up. You need to move out. You’re both too immature for a healthy relationship. Live on your own, be a grownup for awhile. There’s no salvaging this. Just move out.

[u/Expensive_Recipe_433]

Seriously and sincerely, fuck him. This won’t get better, I’m sorry. You also sound like a natural caregiver and you need to be so careful of people abusing that, which he is.

[u/Nightguy1962]

🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️💨

[u/FryOneFatManic]

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Dump and run. Move back home. He's just using you for money and chores.

[u/DisplayFragrant7354]

So basically he wants you to clean his house, make and plate his food, buy him groceries, pitch in with other things and in return he is not ready to do ANYTHING? Girl I understand you are young but this is NOT a relationship. This is modern life slavery. Sleeping on a couch with no blanket? That's insane. I wonder why he hadn't told you to sleep on a rug next to the door.

A whole other thing is his outing 'to the store'. Does it NOT make you suspicious in any way shape or form when your man disappears for 4 hours to go to the shop, then ghosts you, then randomly apologizes? Cmon girl

[u/Tiny-Beginning8533]

Babe, be careful with your mail/address in the pic😘

[u/bperezz]

Let’s pretend this happened to ur best friend, would you tell her to put up with this shit???! Excuse me, he wanted you to PLATE HIS FOOD LIKE HES A BABY?!? You’re freezing and he told you JUST THUG IT OUT?!! This is just the beginning..